I have known Morgan since those early high school days. Although she was a few years younger, we ran with the same crowd and from the beginning, I think she would agree when I say we had a unique kind of bond. During crazy high school and college parties, we all too often found ourselves having these deep heart to heart conversations. I have seen her grow into such a beautiful wife and mother. She is an incredibly anointed writer and shares her heart and God's truth on an almost daily basis. Really, Morgan is one amazing warrior for Christ, a true living example of love and grace and mercy and gospel. I am so thankful our friendship has lasted throughout all these years. Don't let this post be the last you read of hers...His Hands, His feet, His heart is a true testimony of God's power. Her blog will bless you BIG.
“He will perfect that which concerns me; Your mercy, O Lord, endures forever; Do not forsake the works of Your hands.”- Psalm 138:8
When I was around eight years old, I began to develop a dreadful fear of throwing up. I realize most people, if not all, would not claim to like vomit, but this went deeper. Every night, I would make my mom promise that I was not going to get sick. Sometimes, I would come downstairs in fear, claiming that I thought, “it was going to happen”. I am not sure why this plagued me so, and I cannot remember if I truly had stomachaches or if it was the whole “mind over matter” concept; but I can tell you that at the time, it was as real as any struggle I have walked through since.
Fast forward 20 years or so. In August of 2012, we found out we were going to have twins. I spent the first 20 weeks of pregnancy nauseated to the crux, over the toilet about 12 of those weeks. We all laughed about the irony of that eight year old girl and the things she had no idea awaited. The truth is, while it was miserable, it sadly became a way of life, and what used to haunt me became the norm. When I look at verses like Psalm 138:8, I often think back on the things that used to stress me out. I find so much comfort in the fact that God does not limit those things He is going to perfect. He does not say, “I will perfect those things that actually have significance” or, “I will perfect those things that you aren’t being dramatic about and are actual problems”. No. If it concerns you, it concerns Him.
For those of you that do not know the story God is leading our family through, you might want to click here before you move on. As an outside looking in, I can assure you that the details of our family’s life are too much for me. If someone else were walking through the days that we walk through, and I had not been given the wisdom that I have, I would most definitely give a good southern, “Bless your heart” to myself. But God. Our Sovereign Lord, in His perfect wisdom, did choose this lot for me. He chose a life full of doctor’s appointments and therapies, feeding difficulties and troubles in illness, unknowns and uncertainties. There are days that it feels just too much. Moments that I take a step back and truly feel like I cannot handle one more second of our reality. Yet as time has gone on and I have watched God literally carry us through different layers of this journey, I am more and more convinced that these specific details are His kind, loving, gracious, merciful way of, “perfecting that which concerns me”. Many people say that they could not do it. They hear different pieces of this day to day life and it sounds like a foreign world that would be best avoided all together. Yet, I am here to tell you that at the end of the day, I would not trade a bit of this life because I know in the depths of who I am that He is writing these details and that His plans are good. I often tell people, usually with tear-filled eyes, that in giving me twins with special needs, God ultimately gave me a gift that I could never repay Him back for: the gift of constantly having something in my life that makes me long for eternity. Without our girls, I shamefully say that I would have been tempted to live a comfortable, Christian life. Now, I recognize how boring that sounds and how much more fulfilling this adventure He has led us to is! There is so much freedom in living a life in which this truth pulsates through your very being: I am fully, wholly dependent on the God who made me on a second by second basis. Each and every day, I wake up and know to my core that without Him I cannot do this life. What joy that brings! This suffering, my friends, is a privilege. The world might scream otherwise but my soul breathes out this truth as we walk through these moments and experience intimacy with Him like we have never known. Jesus.
And, when I forget this beautiful truth, often in moments where the world’s perception has clouded my vision, I go back to these living, active words:
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who fo the joy that was set before Him endured the cross…”- Hebrews 12:1-2a
Friends, the cloud of the world is nothing in light of the brightness and beauty of our God. He has paved this path for us and now, instead of fearing the next “bad” thing, I can know that,
“God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns.”-Psalm 46:5
In all things. At all times. In all ways.
Friends, what season are you walking through that feels like too much? What areas of your life are you looking to God to in bitterness instead of trusting that He is perfecting that which concerns you? Beyond that, what is concerning you that you are not laying at His feet? My prayer for each of you today is that you would find joy in the journey, with full assurance that your disabilities are nothing in light of His abilities. My heart’s desire for you- yes, you!- is that the eyes of your heart would be opened to the adventure in the details, sometimes most especially the hard ones. He is working in all things, and He is worthy. Let’s raise open hands up in praise today, joyfully trusting the works of His hands and the intentions of His heart.
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